


Make A Beginning

by estriel



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Boys In Love, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, New Year's Eve, Romance, SecretSantaFS, Toronto Cricket Skating and Curling Club
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:18:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21778183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estriel/pseuds/estriel
Summary: It's December again and Javi finally knows what he wants... and maybe, this year, he will finally go and get it.
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Comments: 3
Kudos: 74
Collections: Secret Santa's Kiss & Cry 2019





	Make A Beginning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AimiJ0618](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AimiJ0618/gifts).

> Dear AimiJ0618, 
> 
> I hope this is something you can enjoy, I tried to include the Christmas/winter theme as much as I could! 
> 
> Happy Holidays!  
Your Secret Santa

_ “For last year's words belong to last year's language _

_ And next year's words await another voice. _

_ And to make an end is to make a beginning." _

_ ― T.S. Eliot _

December in Madrid used to be a joyous affair – long-anticipated reunions with family and friends, festive lights strung all over the city that always made Javi smile, a much-needed break from the daily grind of training.

This year it’s as if the Spirit of Christmas had failed to arrive. December is wet and dreary, the omnipresent carols grating at Javi’s ears, the pre-holiday press of gift shoppers an annoyance whenever Javi ventures out into town.

This year, December presses down on Javi like a gloomy presence that not even the fun of his  _ Revolution on Ice _ shows can dispel.

Javi knows that there’s nothing essentially different about December this year. It’s him. And even though he knows this, even though he can rationalize everything, it doesn’t make it any easier.

“Do you think I should go back?” The words burst out eventually, between his second and third glass of wine, between dinner and dessert.

Laura looks at him. “Back to competition?” she asks, her quirked eyebrow betraying her opinion on this topic even without words.

“No,” Javi waves the suggestion away, the thought ludicrous even to him. He sometimes misses it, of course – the adrenaline, the sweet taste of victory. He does not miss it enough to put up with the brutal regimen skating at the highest level requires, though.

“Back to Canada,” he says instead, finally choking it out after much chewing and mulling over the words and what they might mean.

Laura is silent for a moment, pensive. She takes a sip of her wine.

“Back to Canada… or back to Yuzu?” she asks eventually, speaking the object of Javi’s agonizing into the space between them as if it was obvious, as if there never had been any question at all.

And with it out there, hanging in the air, Javi has no way to pretend it’s not real anymore.

“Both,” he admits, and maybe it’s the wine, or the warmth of Laura’s living room, or maybe he’s just blushing because he’s embarrassed by how much this means to him. He’s nearly thirty… and yet thinking about being back by Yuzu’s side makes him feel like a flustered teenager.

“I think you’ve already decided,” Laura says after a moment. She reaches out, pats Javi’s hand, and Javi has never been more grateful as he realizes that Laura could probably see right through him from the beginning… and yet wisely let him come to his own conclusions, in his own time.

It is quite easy, in the end, to call Brian and – after wishing him a Merry Christmas – inquire whether the offer to come coach at Cricket Club still stands. It is easy to book that flight to Toronto – one way – after Brian responds in the affirmative. Easy – and yet terrifying. Because no matter how familiar a haven the Cricket Club is for him, there’s still Yuzu, who never quite shed that enigmatic quality…

_ Come back to me when you do _ , Yuzu had said when Javi had failed to answer his deceptively simple question:  _ What do you want? _

Back then, Javi had been confused, swept up in sadness, his relationship of three years in cinders. He had known only that it had been Yuzu – always him, always there, a beautiful shadow in the back of Javi’s mind – who he had kept thinking of with shocking frequency as his relationship with Marina barreled towards disaster. Yuzu – a years-long temptation, a spark always doused with the rivalry, the competition, the delicate balance they had to maintain. A spark that finally caught and burst into flame that night in Torino, on Yuzu’s 25 th birthday, over a year ago now.

Back then, Javi had not known anything but the lick of a guilty desire – a craving for Yuzu’s lips, his scent, the irresistible pull of all that they have been to each other making him restless, reckless. He had not known what he wanted, not really, not past that kiss, not past the first flame of the fire finally let loose.

Now he does. He just hopes that, like Laura, Yuzu loves him enough to have waited for him to come to his senses.

*

It probably was not the wisest idea to book his travels for the very end of the year, Javi muses as he gets stuck in crowded airports, feeling increasingly miserable and desperate as he watches the hours sluice by. But he had wanted to be at Cricket for the annual New Year’s party, with the fancy light decorations and an ice-sculpture in the middle of the buffet table, with the dainty bite-sized desserts and the confetti-strewn floors… With Yuzu, who makes this party an exception to all other parties and actually attends, actually stays until midnight, actually allows himself to have fun. Yuzu, who will sip his single glass of champagne, then complain about being tipsy and drape his arms around Javi’s neck and laugh that tinkling laugh that had always made Javi feel things he didn’t want to admit to himself.

Therefore, when he finally arrives in Toronto – two delayed-flights, a screaming toddler in the seat behind him, and too much mushy airplane food later – Javi does not allow himself to pass out on the soft bed in his new apartment. Instead, he takes a hot shower, shaves, dresses in the semi-smart jeans and black turtleneck he knows not even some of the snobbier members of the Club will sneer at, and heads to the Cricket.

He is late, too late, barely twenty minutes to midnight when he finally steps through the familiar reception, smiling at all the sudden emotions that tumble down upon him as he glances around, takes it all in. It feels good to be back.

It feels even better, though, to spot Yuzu in the corner, his hair carefully styled – a new thing for him, for he only used to bother with it for competition – his eyes bright with the reflections from the fairy lights that dangle from the ceiling.

Javi stands there for a few moments, simply looking at Yuzu, his heart pounding – not with half-craving, half-terror this time, but a steady, excited beat full of anticipation.  _ I’m here. I’m here. I’m here. _

_ _

“You’re here,” Yuzu says, surprised, when Javi finally weaves his way through the crowd, disentangling himself from the numerous  _ hi-Javi _ ’s and  _ we-missed-you-man _ ’s offered to him along the way. They hug, long and solid and everything Javi has missed so much these past months. “You’re here,” Yuzu repeats when he pulls back, sizing Javi up, looking at him with sincere, searching eyes.

Javi doesn’t look away. “I’m here,” he says, holding Yuzu’s gaze. “To stay,” he adds. “I’m here to stay. I will work at the club and – “ he lets his voice trail off, unsure of how to word this. “You said to come back when I know what I want,” he says eventually, and his voice quivers at that, coming out a bit fainter than Javi would have liked. It has been a year, after all, and what if things have changed, what if Yuzu has changed his mind, what if –

“You know now?” Yuzu asks, and Javi wishes he could read him better, wishes for a second that Yuzu made things a little easier… But that had never been their way. That is not Yuzu. Yuzu will go after what he wants… and expect you to do the same.

And so Javi does, ploughing ahead boldly. He may not be sure where they stand now, but he knows what he wants, now. “You,” he says. “I want you. Us. Everything. I – “

All lights go out in that moment, plunging them into darkness. As cheers erupt all around them, Javi realizes that this must be it: 2021.

Then he feels a soft press of lips against his mouth, and a hand on the nape of his neck, warm and welcome and sure. He reaches for Yuzu in turn, finding his waist, pulling him close, claiming that kiss, that first flicker of things to come.

Yuzu sighs into the kiss, melting into Javi’s arms for just a moment, and Javi holds him, and kisses him, and knows that he will never want to stop again.

He does stop, of course, when the lights buzz back into life, blinding them all for a second, and releases Yuzu, all of him except his hand, locking their palms and fingers together.

He stops… but as he looks at Yuzu and whispers: “Happy New Year!”, Javi knows that this is really just the beginning. 


End file.
